Naivety and Childhood Left Behind
by Tahiri Solo
Summary: Continuation of the Bree Saga. Bree's life is rapidly changing, and she learns that the Imperial admiral who destroyed her family wasn't her worst enemy. Now she faces the ultimate battle - against her own inner demons.


Naivety and Childhood Left Behind  
By Tahiri Solo   
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Disclaimer: I do not own the Young Jedi Knights. They are the property of Lucasfilm. Anything that you recognize does not belong to me. I am not making any money off of this story. No infringement is intended. I do, however, own Bree, Arram, Leena, Admiral Parcck, Kiana Daragon, and any others that you do not recognize. However, Cahrism belongs to my friend Lindsey, but she lets me borrow her. Do not steal any of our characters.   
If this story bears any resemblance to stories written by others, that is purely coincidental. Also, the song the title came from belongs to the Spice Girls. (Don't flame me for that, it just fit the character. I can't help it who sings it. )  
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Naivety and childhood left behind  
Deprived of the goodness of mankind  
Past encounters have made her strong  
Strong enough to carry on and on  
  
Spice Girls, Naked  
  
  
Fourteen year old Breliah Daragon Rendar woke up with a splitting pain in her head.  
She forced her eyes open, and peered at her surroundings. She was in the medical center in the Jedi academy on Yavin 4, laying on a pallet.  
Just several days before, she had killed the Imperial Admiral T.D. Parcck who was responsible for the deaths of both her mother and best friend, and who had also been threatening the Praxeum at the time.  
She had done so by channeling raw energy through herself, and then directing it back at him. He had died almost instantly, but unfortunately, Bree had almost suffered the same fate, and she still hurt.  
But she had been sleeping for four straight days, and was starting to feel somewhat better.  
Bree used the Force to push aside the pain and sat up.  
Once she had accomplished that, she arranged her pillows behind her back so that she was propped up, and yawned. She instantly wished she hadn't. The yawn caused her head to ache with renewed fervor, and Bree felt it would be worth it to simply chop her head off in order to get rid of the pain.  
She grunted in disgust, and a moment later, a medical droid came over to her. "A painkiller, mistress?" it asked in its tinny voice.  
"Yes, please. The strongest one you've got," Bree said.  
A few moments later, the droid came over with a needle, and Bree instinctively flinched away from it. "Um, can I take this orally? I'm afraid of needles. Needle-phobic, you could say."  
Strange as it was, Bree was deathly afraid of needles, for some reason she couldn't define. *Well, we're all afraid of something. I'm just afraid of something that makes absolutely no sense,* Bree thought wryly.  
"Certainly, mistress," the droid replied, and quickly fetched her a tablet, which Bree took gratefully.  
Five minutes later, her pain was almost completely gone.   
Bree sighed in relief and closed her eyes, considering going back to sleep again.  
But before she could do so, her door swung open.   
Jaina Solo poked her head in and exclaimed, "Good! You're finally awake!" She walked in and sat on Bree's bed, followed by the other young Jedi Knights, Anakin, and Tahiri.   
Bree saw that Jacen was carrying some sort of package, but before she could ask what it was, Tahiri began talking.  
"How are you feeling, Bree? Do you feel any better? I know it must hurt to have so much energy go through you like that. I mean, I've never done it before, and I don't think I ever want to, but I can imagine. I'm sorry you're hurt, but I'm so glad you killed him! He deserved it, after what he did to you! And threatening the academy like that! Anyway, is there anything you want me to do for you? And did all that energy break your tongue, or is there another reason you're not answering me?"  
Bree rubbed her forehead. "Well, my headache just came back," she announced dryly.  
Everyone, including Tahiri, laughed. Anakin clapped his hand over his best friend's mouth to prevent her from talking anymore, despite her attempts to slap him as he did so.  
Bree grinned. "So. What've I missed while I was snoozing away?"  
Jaina grinned at her, eyes shining. "Parcck's second-in-command came and gave us something to give to you, once you were awake. According to an Imperial law, since you killed him, you now own all of Parcck's fleet and money! All of it! You're rich!'  
"I'm what?! Are you joking?" Bree's mouth was hanging open.  
Zekk grinned at her. "Nope. She's not. Because of the deal you made with Parcck, you're entitled to his fleet. But because of an Imperial law, since you killed him, you also get all of his money, and everything else he owned."  
"No way. There is no way! What in the worlds am I supposed to do with all of this stuff?!" Bree's head was spinning, and she thought maybe the medication was causing her to hallucinate.  
"Let me tinker with it," Jaina suggested playfully.  
Zekk laughed and hugged her from behind. Jaina, however, didn't let him move away, but tightened his arms around her and leaned against him.  
Bree, despite of her shock, smiled at the two of them, her particular Force   
talent - sensing when people were soulmates - sending bells and whistles off in her head. Those two were destined for each other, without a doubt.  
"Can I give it to the New Republic?" Bree asked, forcing her mind back to the matter at hand. "I certainly don't need an entire fleet."  
"Absolutely not," Mara Jade Skywalker's voice announced, as the red haired woman strode into the room. "It's a nice thought, and its very generous of you to offer. But idiots like Borsk Fey'lya are rising in power, and they'll be sure to make it go to waste. Do not, under any circumstances, give them that entire fleet. You want my suggestion?"  
"Yes," Bree said immediately. She had an extremely high opinion of the older Jedi, and trusted her.  
"Okay," Mara said. "Find people to command the ships. You still have crews. Most of them weren't loyal Imps anyway, but just stayed because they were afraid Parcck would kill them if they left. Then, once you've found captains for the ships, use the fleet to help the New Republic. You'd do much more good that way. Trust me on that one."  
Bree thought for a moment, then nodded. "Fine. I don't really like the idea of being in charge of an entire fleet, but I suppose you're right - you usually are." She then turned to Jaina and Zekk. "So. You heard the woman. I need captains. Are you willing to do it?"  
Jaina's face broke into a broad grin, and she actually squealed. "Yes!" she exclaimed.   
Zekk didn't get a chance to answer, because Jaina started jumping up and down and hugging him.   
Everyone laughed.   
"Well, I might be wrong, but it appears my sister is excited," Anakin said, a twinkle in his startling ice-blue eyes.  
When Jaina finally calmed down, Bree peered at her. "I just have one question."  
"What is it?" Jaina said, eyes still shining and grinning hugely.  
"What have you been sniffing?!"  
Jaina made a face at her before bursting into laughter. "Sorry," she apologized, not looking sorry at all. "It's just that I've always wanted my own ship, but this is even better. Getting to be a captain of a big warship! And I'm only sixteen!"  
Bree laughed. "To tell you the truth, I have no idea what to do with a fleet. Any of you are welcome to be captains, as far as I care. And you're all welcome to pick out 'pleasure' ships for yourselves, if you want."  
Jaina started jumping up and down again. This time, in order to stop her, Zekk scooped her up in his arms, and she yelped with surprise.  
"What was that for? Put me down!" They could all see the mischievous sparkle in Jaina's brandy-brown eyes. "On second thought, don't put me down. I like it up here."  
Zekk laughed and gave her an affectionate squeeze.  
"Oh yeah," Jacen said suddenly. "I forgot. I found something out in the jungle for you. I think it'll keep you company." He placed a cage covered with a black cloth on her bed.  
Bree looked at it warily. "Is this a crystal snake?"  
"No!" Jacen said indignantly. "I know better than to get you one of those."  
"Is it poisonous, then? A piranha beetle, maybe?"  
Jacen rolled his eyes. "Just open it, will you? It's harmless. I promise."  
Bree shrugged, then grinned as she noticed Jaina moving further away from the bed, as if she didn't exactly believe her brother when he claimed whatever it was would be harmless.  
Bree carefully lifted the black cloth, and immediately squealed as soon as she saw what was inside.   
The creature was small, only a little larger than a kitten, with the body of a kitten as well. Only instead, it had fur a beautiful shade of blue, and large, triangular ears that reminded Bree of a bat.  
Its large, bright blue eyes peered quizzically at her through the cage, and Bree opened the cage door and carefully took it out.   
As soon as she picked it up, it began emitting a happy, half-purr, half-chirp. Bree giggled. "Jacen, it's so cute! What is it?" she exclaimed.  
The young man shrugged. "I don't really know. But I found it, and I thought it was cute, so I brought it back for you."  
"Well, if it's wild, then shouldn't we set it free?" Bree said, frowning.  
"No," Jacen answered. "It had managed to make a nest right next to a pack of woolamanders, and they would have killed it. I have a feeling if we let it loose, it'd go right back to its nest and get killed. It'd be better off with you."  
Bree managed to hug him while still holding the tiny creature. "Thank you. I love her. She's so cute!"  
It began that chirping purr again, climbing on Bree's shoulder and playing with her hair. Then, a moment later, it began using her hair as if it were vines to climb on, until it was perched directly on top of her head.  
Bree laughed and pulled it back down on her lap.  
"What are you going to name it?" Anakin asked. Bree realized that his eyes were almost the exact same color as her new pet's.   
"Hmm. I don't know. I've never actually had a pet before. Well, Arram got me a bird once, but it flew away after about an hour."  
Jacen's eyebrows rose. "You've never had a pet? You'll have to come with me out in the jungle, then. You can start your own menagerie."  
"Don't give her any ideas!" Jaina exclaimed.  
"How about the name Lapis?" Bree asked, examining her new pet.  
"I like it," Tahiri announced.  
"Me too," Anakin said.  
The others agreed, and Bree grinned. "Good. Lapis it is, then."  
As if to say it liked its new name, the creature squealed, then made a sound like someone clicking their tongue against the roof of their mouth.  
"Maybe you should have just named it 'Noisy'," Mara said from where she still stood at the other end of the room.   
Bree smiled, then yawned.   
Mara noticed it, and immediately announced, "Okay. That's it, everyone. The poor girl is exhausted. Let her sleep."  
"I'll take Lapis for a while, if you want," Jacen offered.  
But when he reached to get the creature, it squealed unhappily and curled up on Bree's chest, digging its claws into her shirt, and glaring at Jacen as if daring him to try and move it.  
Jacen laughed. "Okay. Well then. I think it wants to stay with you. See you later, Bree."  
With that, he and the others left the room, leaving Bree alone, save for her new pet.   
Bree absently stroked between her enormous ears with a fingertip, causing the creature to begin that happy clicking noise again. "Well, Lapis, I'm going to sleep now. You stay here with me. If I wake up and you're gone, when I find you, I'll send you back with the woolamanders."  
The creature clucked, almost as if in disapproval, then curled up and went to sleep.  
After smiling at her pet for a moment, Bree did the same.  
  
A few days later, Bree was out of the medical center, and feeling completely back to normal - save for nightmares about the incident. The nightmares made Bree miss Arram worse than ever before. Several times she'd woken up screaming, and had called out for him before she could remember that he was no longer there. The awful realization of that usually made her start sobbing. Lapis had started making a low crooning sound when Bree was upset, as if trying to calm her, but it did nothing to mend the hole in her heart where Arram should have been.  
  
Very late one night, Lapis came into Jacen's room, chirping insistently. She climbed up onto his bed and sat on his chest, gently scratching his chin with her claws.  
The young man groaned and opened his eyes. He blinked when he saw Lapis; he'd expected it to be his gort Nicta.   
"Why aren't you with Bree, huh? You're her pet, you know." He carefully plucked the tiny creature off of him and held it in his hand while he ran his other hand through his tousled brown curls.   
"I might as well take you back to Bree now. Don't wake me up like this again."   
Lapis cocked her head up at him and shrilled, as if trying to tell him something.   
Jacen looked down at it. "What's wrong? Whatever it is, I've got to take you back to Bree now."  
He left the room, heading towards Bree's quarters, trying to shush the creature as he went. It wouldn't be quiet, and he was afraid it would wake up all the other students.   
He reached Bree's room and knocked softly. There was no answer. He knocked again.   
Still no answer.  
Finally, Jacen simply walked in.  
Bree wasn't there.   
Lapis looked almost pointedly at her empty bed, then up at Jacen.  
Jacen suddenly understood what Lapis had been trying to tell him, and he patted the creature. "Okay. I'll go find her. Don't worry."  
He reached out in the Force, and thought he found Bree. She was definitely alive and well, but it appeared she was out in the middle of the jungle.   
Why?  
Jacen sighed. He didn't have much choice but to go and get her. The girl had become like a little sister to Jaina, and his twin would kill him if he let anything happen to her.   
Blaster bolts. This should be interesting.  
With that last thought, he trotted back to his room for a pair of boots, then headed off to the jungle.  
  
About half an hour later, Jacen was in the middle of the jungle, looking for Bree. He stopped for a moment to remove a stone from his boot, and suddenly caught music.  
Raising his eyebrows, Jacen headed towards it.   
A few minutes later, he reached a small clearing.   
Bree was in the middle of it, performing a complicated series of jumps, flips, kicks, and punches to a fast-paced song that was coming from a small portable music player that sat at the other edge of the clearing.   
Jacen blinked in surprise. The girl, despite her age and tiny size, was startlingly agile and strong. She appeared to be as limber as Tenel Ka - which was quite impressive.   
Just the thought of Tenel Ka made him smile, and Jacen had a sudden desire to go back the academy and . . . Whoa. Cancel that thought.   
But there was no denying that he was desperately in love with the beautiful red haired warrior girl.   
  
Bree knew Jacen was there. She could sense his presence, and she turned her mouth down in the briefest, tiniest frown. Certainly, Jacen was her friend, but she had wanted to be alone. She'd assumed that she would get that chance out in the middle of the jungle.  
But no.   
Bree frowned again, but didn't stop her routine in the slightest. She continued her complicated series of moves, tuning out the other presence.  
She lost herself in the routine, and the music, and the Force.  
  
Finally the song ended, and Bree stopped. She stretched for several minutes before waving over her shoulder. "Hey, Jacen. What're you out here for?"  
"I could ask you the same thing," he replied. "What are you out here for?"  
Bree trotted over to him, and stared hard up into his brandy brown eyes with her mismatched ones. "I assume Jaina told you about my friend Arram, and how I would constantly get nightmares and he would always calm me down, correct?" Her voice had enough of an edge to it to crack durasteel.  
Jacen flinched slightly, as if the pain in the younger girl's eyes was being transferred into him through her stare. "Yes, Jaina did mention that," he said carefully.  
Bree's stare did not waver; her voice was as hard as ever before, if not more so. "I've been having even more nightmares ever since I killed Parcck. I wake up screaming for Arram, and then I realize he's not with me anymore, and I have to feel the pain of his death every bit as strong as it was the day I first learned he had been killed. Needless to say, after that, I haven't wanted to go to sleep. That's why I'm out here. Now you."  
Her voice frightened Jacen. It was the voice of a person who had reached the edge and could take no more, but treated as it as if it weren't at all a big deal.   
Wasn't she too young to be like that? he wondered.  
Bree's impatient sigh jolted him back to the present. "Are you going to tell me why you're out here or not?"  
"Lapis came and woke me up," Jacen answered. "I brought her back to your room, but you weren't there. Lapis seemed to think something was wrong, so I went to check. That's all."  
"Jacen, please. I may be younger than you, but I'm a not a helpless little girl. I'm fine. I can take care of myself. I've been doing that for years."  
"Sorry," Jacen apologized. "But I didn't have anything better to do, and that pet of yours wouldn't shut up until I went to look for you. Her squawking hurt my ears."  
Bree blinked. When her eyes opened again, they had lost all traces of pain, and were actually twinkling.  
"Oh, and by the way, Jacen," she said, grinning wickedly up at him, "that stray thought you had about Tenel Ka? I caught that."  
Bree laughed uproariously as Jacen blushed crimson.   
Jacen finally got a hold of his embarrassment. It soon turned to indignation.  
"Well, if you must know, Breliah Daragon, I happen to be in love with Tenel Ka, and would you please keep out of my thoughts?!"  
Then he realized what he had just said. "You're the first person I ever told that to," he said, shocked at himself.   
Bree laughed harder. "Jacen, I may have been the first person to hear you say that, but I was also the wrong one. Tell her that, not me."  
"For your information, I've been afraid to tell her that, because first off, she's my best friend, and I don't want to scare her off and lose her, and I also don't want to get hurt. You heard what happened to Hovrak."  
Bree grinned. "Ooh, strong arguments, Jacen!" she said playfully. "I seriously doubt Tenel Ka would ever try to hurt you. Like you said, you're her best friend. Even if you made her mad, I don't think she'd do that. And Jacen, almost all girls in this galaxy sit around talking - even not so normal girls like me, your sister, and Tenel Ka. From what I've gathered from our conversations, Tenel Ka wouldn't get mad at you if you said you loved her, and you definitely wouldn't lose her. She'd be happy. I guarantee you that."  
Jacen cocked his head. "What exactly has Tenel Ka told you?"  
Bree smirked and shook her head. "Uh-uh. I'm not telling you that. You have to do some of this on your own, you know!"  
"How can someone so young and so tiny be so annoying?" Jacen growled, aggravated.   
Bree laughed. "Jacen, you just grew up with Jaina and Anakin. I'm going to teach you what it's like to have a little sister instead of a twin one or a little brother. Trust me, we can be very obnoxious at times."  
Her grin was infectious; Jacen soon smiled himself. "You got that right!"  
"Of course I do. I'm always right."  
Jacen made a face at her, then chuckled. "I'm going to let that last comment slide. Are you coming back to the academy with me or not?"  
Bree sighed. "I guess so. I don't really want to, but it'd be nice to take a shower, I suppose."  
She strode to the other end of the clearing and retrieved her music player.   
When she returned, Jacen looked hard at her, a surprisingly stern expression on his face. "Before we go. Don't you know that these jungles are really dangerous at night? You shouldn't keep coming out here. Only suicidal people do that."  
Bree shrugged noncommittally. "Lowie does it all the time. Just because I'm not the size of a Massassi tree and have no claws doesn't mean I can't take care of myself, you know."  
Before he could respond, Bree walked off, heading back to the academy.  
  
When they got there, they were greeted by several anxious-looking young Jedi and one very aggravated ex-Emperor's Hand.   
Zekk had his arm around Jaina, and was stroking her hair and murmuring softly into her ear, as if trying to comfort her. She was biting her lower lip - a habit of hers - and leaning slightly against Zekk.  
She noticed them first, and her head flew up from Zekk's shoulder. "There you are!" she exclaimed. "If nothing ever bit you, Jacen Solo, I'd have half a mind to feed you to piranha beetles! You two scared us!"  
Bree walked over to her, to explain where they had been, before she got to upset - and before Mara got mad.   
Bree didn't particularly want the woman angry with her - for obvious reasons.  
  
She explained quickly, and Jaina and Mara were both satisfied. Bree noticed that Zekk didn't relax until Jaina did. The most prominent thing in his mind was to take care of her, which made Bree simultaneously smile and ache.  
Glancing over, she saw that Tenel Ka had gone over to Jacen. Bree was shocked when she realized that Tenel Ka was actually trembling.  
"Don't you ever do that to me again, Jacen Solo," Tenel Ka growled. Her voice was almost inaudible, meant so only Jacen could hear, but Bree's extraordinarily sharp hearing caught it, while the others didn't. "You scared me. I thought I'd lost you."  
Jacen was as stunned as Bree was, actually even more so - especially when tears rose in the warrior's girl gray eyes and slowly spilled over onto her cheeks.   
Jacen tenderly brushed her tears away. "Tenel Ka, don't cry, please," he said, his voice as low as hers. Bree heard anyway. "You're never going to lose me. I promise."  
Then, almost as if to seal that promise, Jacen cupped her cheek with his hand, and softly kissed her.  
  
Bree grinned broadly; so did Mara. Jaina's eyes widened slightly, but she said nothing. Zekk smiled, squeezing Jaina's shoulder.  
  
When Jacen pulled away, Tenel Ka blinked once, but did not look very surprised. But then again, Bree thought, even if she was, she wouldn't show it. After only a moment, Tenel Ka's face broke into a broad smile, and she wrapped her arm around Jacen's neck, then rested her head on his shoulder.   
Jacen wrapped his own arms around her waist, and the others began to move away, not wanting to interrupt the tender moment.   
Before she headed back inside the temple, Bree cast the young couple one last glance, and couldn't hold back her smile.  
  
But once Bree was inside, she found, much to her shock and dismay, that her smile had turned to tears.   
With a distressed sigh, Bree hurried off to her quarters before anyone could catch her crying.   
  
Once there, she collapsed on her bed, now in a full-fledged fit of sobs. While she lay there, facedown and shaking, a sudden thought occurred to her.   
Bree had heard once that every gift came with a price. Maybe the price she had had to pay for her gift of sensing when people were soulmates was losing her own.  
Bree wanted to throw up at the unfairness of that realization.   
*I never asked for this gift!* she thought angrily. *If having it means I had to lose Arram in payment, then I don't want it! I just want Arram back!*  
But it was too late for that, and Bree knew it. She had already lost him, and there was no getting him back. Not now, not ever.  
  
The next morning, Bree woke up, stiff and sore, and still in the same prone position as the night before. She had cried herself to sleep - as she had so many other times, too often to count.  
She considered going back to sleep and not waking up until she felt better - only Force knew when that would be - but a soft knock on her door prevented that.  
"Bree? Are you awake?"  
"I guess so. Come in if you want."  
They did so. It was Jaina.  
Jaina immediately walked across the room and sat down on Bree's bed. "You look upset. Are you okay? Have you been crying?"  
Bree rolled over to face her. "I cried myself to sleep, actually."  
"Why? What's wrong?" Jaina asked, concerned.  
"The usual."  
"Arram?"  
"Yep."  
Jaina sighed. "You poor thing. Anything I can do?"  
Bree gave a bitter little laugh. "Jaina, you can fix almost anything mechanical, but you can't fix broken hearts. Not mine, anyway."  
Jaina shook her head. "You know, I understand how much it hurts to lose someone who is your soulmate and best friend all rolled into one. And I know there isn't really anything anyone can do, because the one person who could dry your tears is the one who made you cry in the first place."  
"True. You do kind of understand. But the thing is, you got your soulmate back. I never will." Bree rolled back over and buried her face in her pillow before Jaina could see the fresh tears in her eyes.   
"No offense, but I really need to be alone right now. Do you mind leaving?"  
Jaina stood up and patted her shoulder. "Okay. Let me know if you need anything, all right?"  
Bree waited until she was gone, then burst into sobs.   
  
A few hours later, there was another knock on her door.  
Bree sighed. She'd finally stopped crying, but she was a mess from all the sobbing she had done.  
Oh well. "Come in."  
It was Mara.  
The redheaded woman walked in, casting an appraising eye over Bree. "You okay? Jaina said you were upset and wanted to be left alone. I wanted to see if you were feeling any better."  
"Well, I don't know if I'm okay or not, but I've stopped crying, if that's what you mean," Bree said dryly.   
Mara sat down on the bed. "Good enough. I need to talk to you."  
"About what?" *Please don't bring up Arram. I don't want to talk about that right now.*  
"We got a visit from Parcck's second-in-command today."  
Bree sat bolt upright. "What?!"  
Mara grinned. "Yep. He brought Parrck's entire fleet. Turns out he - along with most of Parcck's other crew - wanted to defect to the New Republic, but were too afraid of Parcck to do it. I thought that you weren't actually going to get the fleet for a while there. I know I told you what to do with it, but then I realized we didn't know where it was, so we couldn't get it. But Parcck's second-in-command brought it here. He wants to meet you."  
Bree's eyes widened. "What? When? When does he want to meet me? Where is he now? When did he get here?"  
Mara laughed. "Whoa, calm down! It's okay. He just got here about half an hour ago. We told him you weren't available at the moment, and he said he'd wait until you were. He's really very nice. Young too. And cute." Mara winked.  
Bree's face instantly went from panic to anger. "Mara! Don't even talk about guys to me! You know Arram was my soulmate, and that he died! You should realize that I'll never get involved with anyone else! Especially not a person who worked with the man who killed both my mother and soulmate! Even if he didn't, I wouldn't be attracted to him, because there is just no point, since I lost the only person I was supposed to be with!" She was trembling.  
Mara's eyebrows rose. "Bree, relax! I didn't mean anything by it!"  
Bree buried her face in her hands. "Sorry," she whimpered softly. "I just can't help it."  
Mara sighed, sensing the young girl's raging grief. She hugged her, something that Mara Jade Skywalker rarely did.   
Bree pulled back. "I've got to get ready now. I need to meet with that Imp person. Could you leave me alone please?"  
Mara did so, shaking her head. That girl needed help - badly - but Mara doubted there was anything anyone could do. If Bree was going to pull out of this, she would have to do it herself.  
  
Twenty minutes later, Bree headed off the Grand Audience Chamber, where she had been told the Imp was.  
She was dressed in a black, formfitting jumpsuit, with her hair flowing freely down her back. She did not allow her face to show any of her emotions.  
She saw the man standing with his back to her, studying the room. Mara and Luke, after probing him with the Force, trusted him enough to leave him alone.   
Bree intentionally let her boots make noise on the stone floor, in order to get his attention.  
He heard her approach and turned around. As soon as he saw her, he bowed.  
Bree bowed back, already uncomfortable. "I'm not going to make any pretenses here," she said immediately, her voice hard. "There are about a million other places I'd rather be right now than here meeting with you. I loathed Parcck. He had my mother and best friend killed."  
"I loathed him too," the Imp said quietly. "I don't blame you. And I'm sorry."  
Bree's eyebrows raised, but she said nothing, merely waited for him to continue.  
He did so. "I was his nephew. I was a brilliant tactician, so he dragged me to his stronghold and made me work for him. I didn't want to, but you see, I have a baby sister, and Parcck said he would kill her if I didn't do what I wanted. I would have died to get away from him, but I was afraid for my sister."  
Bree absorbed this, then nodded. "What's your name?"  
The young man smiled at her, his bright blue eyes sparkling. "Terin, miss. Terry or Ter for short."  
Bree found herself smiling back. There was no way she would ever be attracted to him as Mara had suggested, but perhaps they could be friends. "No miss stuff. My name is Breliah Daragon. Just call me Bree. I prefer it."  
Terin grinned. "All right, Bree. May I ask what you're going to do with the fleet? I know it's none of my business, but I'm curious."   
Bree smiled. "I'll figure that out once I find people to command the ships. I know I still have crews, but I'd prefer to have people I know and trust doing it."  
Terin glanced briefly down at the floor, then brought his gaze back to Bree. "I have another question, if you don't mind."  
Bree shrugged. "Go ahead."  
"What are you going to have done with me? You could legally have me put in jail, since I was an Imperial, and I wouldn't blame you for doing that, after what Parcck did to you."  
Bree sighed, then thought for a moment. "Come here, Terin."  
"Please, call me Ter," he said as he walked forward.  
"Okay, Ter, then. Bend down a little please."  
He looked uncomfortable, but did as she asked with no complaints.  
Once he was at her level - Ter was quite tall - she laid a hand on his curly black hair and probed him with the Force.  
After a few moments, she pulled her hand back and said, "Okay. You can stand up now."  
He did so. "What did you do?"  
"Probed you with the Force," Bree answered. "I had to make sure I could actually trust you. I decided I can. I'm not sending you to jail. You hated Parcck, and the Empire, and that's good enough for me."  
Ter grinned broadly. "Thank you. If I were in your place, I'm not sure I'd be able to trust me."  
Bree shrugged. "One of my friends here is an ex-Imperial. I'd trust him with my life. There's really no reason not to trust you, since I could tell that you despised Parcck almost as much as I did."  
Ter's eyebrows rose. "One of your friends here is an ex-Imperial? What is their name? Do I know them?"  
Bree grinned, suddenly glad that she hadn't asked Jaina to accompany her here, which she had actually thought of doing. Talking about this sort of thing still hurt Jaina. "Oh, you more than likely know who he was. His name's Zekk."  
Ter's eyes widened. "Zekk? The Darkest Knight at the Shadow Academy? He's here?"  
"Former Darkest Knight," Bree corrected him. "Now he's no more Imperial than I am."  
Ter burst into laughter. "Ooh, my uncle wold have died if he knew the person who's now in charge of his precious fleet was friends with the former Darkest Knight at the Shadow Academy! Parcck hated Brakiss!"  
Bree grinned. "It gets better," she said, eyes twinkling. "Zekk is dating the Chief of State's daughter. They're inseparable."  
Ter laughed even harder. "Oh, no! I almost wish Parcck was still alive just so I could see the look on his face!"  
He finally managed to get himself under control. "Organa Solo's daughter must be very accepting, for her to have fallen in love with an ex-Imperial."  
Bree shook her head. "Jaina is a very accepting person, but she and Zekk had been best friends before he fell to the dark side and became the Darkest Knight. She was devastated, but eventually managed to turn him back."  
Ter's face suddenly grew sad. "You know, years ago, I fell in love with this girl. She was an orphan, like me, actually, and was one of the most beautiful people I've ever met in my entire life. She was terribly spirited - some might say she had a bit of an attitude problem - but to me, it was just endearing. I loved her with all my heart."  
Bree sensed his pain and bit her lip. She knew what he was going through. "What happened?" she asked softly.   
"My uncle made me join his army," Ter said, his voice bitter and flat. "He got a hold of my sister and put her in confinement, so that he could kill her if I ever misbehaved or tried to escape. He didn't know about my girlfriend. I told her I wouldn't risk her life - Parcck probably would have killed her too, if he ever found out about her. I told her that I loved her, but she couldn't stay. She fought, and she argued, and I don't think I've ever heard anyone curse so much in my entire life - not even my uncle. It took me quite a while, but I finally made her break down and leave. I haven't seen her since."  
"I'm sorry," Bree said quietly. "My best friend - the one that Parcck had killed - well, I was in love with him. I never got a chance to tell him, because he died before I could. It hurts, I know."  
"What was his name?" Ter's voice was as quiet and serious as hers.  
"Arram. What was your girlfriend's name?"  
Ter's mouth turned up slightly in a wistful smile. "Carrie. Well, at least that's what she made me call her. She never told me her real name - she said she wanted to start a new life, and that her new name was Carrie. She got mad at me if I ever tried to ask what her real name was. And believe me, Carrie was not the kind of person you wanted mad at you. She had quite a temper."  
Bree grinned in spite of herself. "I've known a few people like that myself," she said, thinking of Cahrism and Mara.  
Ter grinned back. "Can I ask you a personal question?"  
"You can ask, but that doesn't mean I'm going to answer."  
Ter chuckled. "Fair enough. How old are you? Parcck never said, simply that you were a 'young woman' that he really wanted to fry. He was a psychopath."  
"I'm fourteen."  
Ter yelped. "I always knew my uncle was ruthless, but I never knew he was that ruthless! He spent half his time planning all the different ways he could kill you! And you're only a little girl!"  
Bree didn't reply, but strode over to him.   
Before Ter even knew what was happening, she had him pinned on the ground. "I may be young, but I'm not a little girl. Don't forget that. I can take care of myself."  
"I didn't mean to offend you," Ter panted. "I was in shock, that's all. I never meant to imply that you were a child, merely younger than I had expected. Please don't hurt me."  
Bree laughed, letting him get up. "I wasn't going to hurt you. Jedi don't go around just hurting people. I wanted to prove a point, that's all. If I put you in charge of one of my ships, I can't have a captain who doesn't have think I can take care of myself, now can I?"  
Ter's eyes lit up. "You're thinking about making me a captain?"  
"If you want. You have to prove you're experienced enough, of course, but I don't think that's going to be a problem."  
"I'll follow you to the edge of the galaxy, if you want. I expected you to throw me in prison. This is more than I ever expected."  
Bree rolled her eyes. "Not all people are as ruthless as your uncle, you know. Some people actually do nice things for other people. Now. I have a personal question for you too, since you asked me one."  
Ter smiled. "Anything."  
"How old are you?"  
Ter laughed. "Twenty two. Anything else?"  
Bree smiled. "Nothing I can think of. I'll expect a detailed life history, complete with holos, sometime soon, however," she joked.   
"I like you. I hope we can be friends," Ter said, grinning back.  
"I'd like that."  
  
A few hours later, Bree had introduced Ter to her friends. She was now in the middle of the task of christening her ten Star Destroyers with new names. She didn't like the ones Parcck had given them - which all dealt with death and destruction - and promptly decided to change them.  
Bree bit her lip, trying to think. "Crying out loud. I never realized naming ships could be this hard. Any suggestions, people?"  
Ter grinned at her. "How about Hallelujah Parcck Is Dead?"  
"Very funny," Bree said dryly, rolling her eyes at Jaina. "Jaina, you get to name your own ship. Zekk, you too. That's two less for me to deal with."  
"You don't have to name them all now, you know," Tenel Ka said from where she sat beside Jacen. Bree had noticed that ever since the night he had kissed her, they were hardly ever seen away from each other. "Just name your flagship, and leave the others as is for now."  
"Are you sure you guys don't want ships of your own?" Bree asked, almost pleading. "I need captains. Lowie? You love mechanics almost as much as Jaina."  
Lowie gave the Wookiee equivalent of a sigh, then nodded his shaggy head with a brief growl. Bree understood enough of his language to tell that he had agreed.   
Bree grinned and hugged him. Lowie patted her on the head with a furry paw.  
"Now, think of a name," she ordered. Lowie just chuffed with laughter.  
"I have a name for your flagship," Mara announced from where she was perched on Bree's bed. "I've noticed you're quite cynical for someone your age. What about calling it the Cynic?"  
Bree thought for a moment, then smiled. "The Cynic. I like it. It's cute."  
Jaina suddenly giggled, then leaned over to whisper in Zekk's ear, who grinned. "I have a name for my ship," Jaina declared, looking like she was trying not to laugh. "The Fountain Escapade."  
"The what?" Bree asked, confused.   
Jaina giggled again. "When Zekk and I were little, one time we snuck out in the middle of the night to go swimming in the fountain at Dhalbreth Square. Only the glowfish we disturbed made so much light that the New Republic security people came running after us. It was quite a spectacle."  
Bree and the others laughed. "I bet it was," Bree said. "I can just see you two swimming around in a fountain, then all of a sudden, those fish light up and here come the security guards."  
"Two out of ten down," Ter said. "Lowie and Zekk still need names. I say you don't name the other ones until you've found captains for them. It'll make things a lot easier."  
Bree made a face at him, then smacked him on the shoulder. "You nerf herder, you're going to be a captain too, you know. You'd better be thinking of your own name."  
"Oh yeah."  
Bree rolled her eyes. "Men."  
  
A while later, everyone had come up with a name.  
Lowie's was the Siren's Star, named after the predatory plant on his homeworld of Kashyyyk.  
Zekk had named his the Para Siempre, an alien phrase meaning "Forever." (This had made Jaina blush furiously, and, judging by the look on the young woman's face, she had just barely contained herself from flinging herself into his arms and instigating a little snogging session. Bree found all this quite amusing. So did Mara.)   
Ter, lastly, had named his the Langosta, another alien phrase. He wouldn't tell them what it meant, but Bree assumed it had something to do with the girl called Carrie.  
  
By the time all the captains had named their ships, it was late, and Bree decided to go to bed.   
On her way to her quarters, she passed two figures standing wrapped in each other's arms, kissing passionately.   
The lighting was dim, but Bree instantly recognized them as Jaina and Zekk.   
Bree almost laughed, but bit her lip hard - she didn't want to disturb them.   
*Right in the middle of the hallway. You'd think they could find a place a little more private.*  
She made her way carefully past them - they were much to busy to notice her.  
She was smiling, but as soon as she got in her quarters, the same thing happened to her as the night Jacen and Tenel Ka had kissed. Her smile soon gave way to tears.   
She sobbed uncontrollably for a good twenty minutes, then finally managed to stop. Bree quickly decided that she didn't want to stay in her room. She'd go up to the top of the Great Temple and watch the stars - something that had always used to relax her.   
  
Ten minutes later, she had reached the roof and was taking deep breaths, trying to in vain to calm down.  
As she fought to hold back her tears, she suddenly heard Leena's voice as clearly as if her cat-like friend was standing right in front of her: Don't try to hold back pain. Let it come, and eventually it will pass. If you hold it back, it will grow in intensity until it breaks through all of your defenses, and then you will have a much harder time dealing with it.  
Leena had always been saying things like that. She was very smart, and Bree decided to take her advice.   
She collapsed on the hard stone, weeping as though her heart was broken - which it was. She'd sobbed over Arram countless times before, but she'd never really dealt with the pain. She'd always kept as much of it as she could bottled up, afraid she wouldn't be able to take it.  
Bree still didn't think she'd be able to stand it, but she had nothing left to lose. She might as well try to deal with it.   
Bree released her carefully created barriers that hid the worst of her pain, and let it race through her like lava pulsing through her veins.   
She doubled over, crying harder than she ever had in her entire life. She'd thought she couldn't have possibly wept any harder than she had the day her mother died. She had been wrong.  
Bree was crying, screaming, and using every single curse she knew - most of which she had picked up from Cahrism.   
  
Finally, hours later, Bree lay in a ball on the cold stone of the Great Temple, trembling and panting. She no longer had the strength to cry any more, but her pain was far from being gone. She wished she could have cried herself to sleep, like she had in the past. But no. Even the solace of sleep had eluded her.  
Enveloped by a black despair, Bree spied the edge of the Great Temple and realized just what a long drop it was to the ground.   
A grim plan began weaving its way through her mind.  
  
*Be logical,* an annoying inner voice said. *Do you really want to do this?*  
*No, but what else do I have to live for? I burst into tears every time I see anyone kissing. Arram was my lifeline, hell, he was my life. I'm miserable without him. What's the point of sticking around when I have nothing left to live for?*  
Bree drew a shuddery breath, having made a decision.   
Forcing herself up to her feet, she made her over to the ledge..  
She inched closer to it until her toes were over the edge. *Too bad I never got a chance to tell all my new friends goodbye. Oh well. I think they'll understood. This is something I have to do.*   
Taking a deep breath, Bree prepared to jump off the ledge -   
  
And stopped when she heard a very familiar voice scream from behind her. "BRELIAH SATINE DARAGON-RENDAR! DON'T YOU DARE JUMP, OR I'LL CATCH YOU AND REALLY MAKE YOU WANT TO BE DEAD!"  
Bree stopped immediately, half in shock, half responding to the voice. She knew the voice as well as she knew her own name, and she also knew that she did not want this person mad at her.  
Bree turned around, carefully backing away from the edge, and saw, much to her shock, that Cahrism and Leena stood behind her.  
Cahrism looked as mad as Bree had ever seen her; Leena was shaking and her green cat eyes were filled with tears.  
"What the hell were you doing, Bree?" Cahrism demanded, hands on hips. "We both come halfway across the galaxy to visit you, and when we get here, we find you busily trying to kill yourself! Some welcome!"  
Leena looked too stunned to speak, but she was gnawing on her lower lip as if trying not to let the tears in her eyes fall.  
Bree gaped at her two old friends in shock. "What - what are you doing here?" she gasped.  
"That doesn't matter!" Cahrism snapped. "I asked you a question first, and I want an answer! What were you doing?"  
"Exactly what it looked like," Bree whispered. "I was trying to commit suicide."  
"What in the Sithspawned hell were you trying to do that for?!"  
While her voice was filled with anger, her eyes were filled with concern for her friend. She knew something horrible must have happened to make Bree try to do that.   
Bree was trembling so hard they could see it from where they stood about three meters away. "You don't know? No one told you?" she whispered.  
"Know what, Bree?" Cahrism asked, her green eyes flashing with worry.  
Before answering her, Bree gave the ledge one last, almost longing look, as if she would rather fling herself off of it then break this news to her friends.   
"About - about a year ago," Bree choked out, "Arram . . . he - he was ki - killed."  
Cahrism and Leena stood there, numb with shock, while Bree buried her face in her hands and wept.   
Leena was the first one to recover enough from the shock to show some emotion. Weeping herself, she ran to Bree and threw her arms around her. Bree buried her face in her shoulder, and then Cahrism went over to them as well and wrapped her arms around both of them.  
The three young women stood there, all crying.  
  
Cahrism stopped crying first; Bree stopped a few moments later. When Leena realized that everyone else was quiet, she forced herself to stop crying as well, repeatedly sniffling. "I can't believe he's gone," she whispered. "Bree, how - how did it happen?"  
"Imps got him," Bree said wearily. "The same ones who had killed my mother. I had gone out to town, and when I came back home, Arram was gone. Physically and in the Force. There was blood everywhere, in a pattern like someone had been shot to death and then their body was dragged out, and I found a still warm Imperial blaster. I realized he was dead and I lost it. Tonight I finally just couldn't take it anymore." Bree looked away from them, but kept talking. "After - after you both left, Arram and I grew even closer. I had nightmares constantly about my mom's death, and other things too, and he was always there when I woke up. I'd jerk awake and find myself in his arms. He'd hold me and stroke my hair and let me cry into his shirt until I'd calmed down. He was always there for me when I needed him, to hold me or wipe away my tears or calm me down when I was distraught, or just to make me laugh when I was feeling low. And now he's gone. I'll never see him again."  
Leena started crying again. Cahrism let out a very long list of curses under her breath.   
Bree sighed, finally meeting each of their eyes in turn. "I have no idea what I'm going to do without him. It's like half of my soul is missing. You know how my gift has always been sensing when people are soulmates? Well, Arram was mine."  
Bree got up and walked away from them, staring up into the sky. "Dammit, Arram, why did you have to leave me?"  
Then she was overcome by blackness and she knew nothing more.   
  
  
A/N: Well, there is my second fic about Bree. I'm currently working on the third. It's called Shadows Burn Like Faded Flames, I think. (I might change my mind.) Once again, I have to thank anyone who read this entire horridly long thing, and Lindsey for letting me use Cahrism!   



End file.
